Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Dropping the ball

So I wrote my first post here last week, and since then I've been thinking of all the things I want to write about now that I'm "back" to blogging. I feel like there's too much to even choose from, and I don't even know where to begin. I'm sort of glad I didn't have this space when Nova was born because I was waaaay too emotional and crazy and no one should subject themselves to what was going on in my head at that point. So now that things have calmed down inside of me I can look at things with a little more rationale than before.

But I still have a small dose of crazy that is kicking myself in the ass for not doing this, forgetting to do that, dropping the ball on all these things that I pinned/thought of/saw somewhere that I wanted to do. I'm talking DIY knotted head wraps, newborn photo shoots, hospital photo shoot, freaking baby birth-day parties and gifts to and from Julian kind of shit. Just crazy stuff that only I'm beating myself up about. Thanks Pinterest and Instagram for making me even more mad at myself about everything than I already am.

Isn't it the worst? For nine (or if you're clueless like me, like seven) months you obsess over the cutest baby related things and make it your job to be an expert on birth plans, baby safety, newborn fashion, pregnancy fashion, must-have products, and all the things other moms are doing and thinking about. And of all the things you promise yourself you're going to do, how much of it happens? Personally, for every ten pf my baby-related pins, one of them was actually manifested in real life.

And that makes me feel like I failed at the newborn stage. There are only 48 hours of Nova's life that are spent in the hospital because I had just given birth to her, and I couldn't even manage to get someone to take the most gorgeous pictures of us?! I barley reminded Dom to get my phone to snap some when they placed her on my chest! Literally the worst mom ever.

I made one knotted headband, and I'm so bad at math and sewing that it doesn't even fit a dolls head.

You know what, though... I'm getting over it. Because while I may not have re-created photos I pinned or made all the cute newborn headbands, I took my own pretty photos with my iPhone, supported a small business and bought her some cute headbands, and am having fun making memories of Nova's first summer with us. I think I'll never really stop wishing I could check off all the things on my list. Someday these little things won't even matter. I'll have enough memories and photos and STUFF to represent all the things we DID do that I'll forget about the things I had planned in my head.

Thanks for reading my first real post back. Hopefully it wasn't too painful for you, I'm feeling a little rusty but glad to have this space to share my heart. It feels good already

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